Friday, July 10, 2009

Penis Longoria.

I was on Myspace today & when I checked my mail, I noticed a little bar telling me I could add a search feature to my mail, & naturally I thought, "This could be handy..." & handy it was. My friend Amy & I were just talking the other day, & we remembered a survey I posted in a bulletin years ago (come to find out it was March 1, 2007 to be exact), & tons of people replied to it, because I'm a silly little bitch. I knew it was hiding in my inbox, just waiting to be found, just waiting to be relived, but alas...I have 500 pages of messages in my inbox on Myspace & it would take me forever to find it. Welllll, not anymore :) I searched & FOUND my survey I took :) Enjoy...

Subject: about my tattoos. i have like 18.
Body: If you have ink, do this survey. Its fun!

1. How many tattoos do you have?:
i already said like 18.

2. When did you get your first tattoo?:
as soon as i came out of the womb. my parents tattooed "FINKE" across my back in an old english style font.

3. What was your first tattoo?
a tiger followed by the phrase "i aint never scared" on my right calf. i got it done when i was in nam.

4. Which tattoo is closest to your heart?
the sweet ass soccer ball i got tattooed on my left tit.

5. Do you have a matching tattoo with someone?:
yeah, my best friend patricia and i got the iguanas hockey team logo on our ribcages. man was that a crazy tuesday! no more drinking on our lunchbreak! but it was worth getting fired, right patty?

6. Do you have a tattoo that someone messed up?
i was supposed to get "no limits" on my lower back, but they accidentally put "no boundaries" and i am not a walmart poster child, so i got it covered. its now a tarantula eating its offspring and
george w smith headbanging out of control. its actually a hologram. if i dance all sexy, you can see him jam out. with his clam out.

7. Do you have any one's name tattooed on you?
sure do. i have a huge piece on my back with all the signatures on the declaration of independence. john hancocks is the biggest, naturally. thats what she said. ;)

8. What was the most painful tattoo you received?
the members of "tatu" on each foot.

9. Have you ever cried during a tattoo?
no. im a winner. winners dont cry. WINNERS NEVER CRY.

11. Do you have a tattoo that you constantly have to explain?
the dodge durango i got on my face. that was probably not a good choice.

12. Have you ever gotten an infection from a tattoo?
hepatitis a. through z.

13. What is the longest session you've ever sat straight?
i like to wiggle a lot to make it more interesting. like spin art.

14. What is the biggest tattoo that you have and how long did it take?
the penis i got on my right thigh. im right-handed, so i figured i would "dress to the right" as well. and im not modest about my large piece of art either.

15. Have you ever gotten a tattoo of something just because it was funny or shocking?
well i got a didgeridoo on the other thigh to even it out, because that other thigh piece sure is a heavy tattoo...and i guess thats funny. i dont know. i thought it to be more practical than anything really.

16. Do you have any unfinished projects on you right now?
not really. i was going to get my favorite pair of chonclas on my left shoulder, but at the last minute i changed my mind and got a pelican taking a piss in the ocean and flicking off the sun.

17. Has anyone (i.e. parents or girlfriend/boyfriend) gotten pissed over a tattoo you got?
i let some guy from the bank piss ON several of my tattoos. twice.

18. Do you have any tattoos in places that most people don't get to see unless they see you naked?
apparently most people dont get the word, "NIOSA" tatted across their vagine. i was shocked to find that out. i happen to think its ultra sexy.

19. Do you have any people tattooed on you?
i have a whole crowd on my torso that is all fighting and climbing over each other in order to peek inside my bellybutton. its so realistic and crazy. def one of my favs. thanks dylan!

20. Are you worried about what your tattoos will look like when you're old?
im not going to get "old". havent you ever read "tuck everlasting" fool? get a life.

21. Do you regret having gotten any of your tattoos?
i regret typing this rather than getting even more tattoos! im wasting so much time.

22. Would you consider ever getting any of your tattoos removed?
no i will just keep covering them and see what happens. lifes a beautiful journey, aint it?

23. What are you going to get for your next tattoo?
ive already got my gun out, holmes. its gonna be "ride till i die" on a banner across my chest.

24. Do you think members of the opposite sex with a lot of tattoos are hot?
i guess theyd be hot if they had sleeves done and it was a hot summers day.


PS-I'm funny.
PPS-If you don't think I'm funny, you're mean. R U D E.
PPPS-^That kind of says "PeePees" :)
PPPPS-If I offended you, that's weird. And I apologize.
PPPPPS-At this time, my Myspace name was apparently "penis longoria", which is awesome I guess, but weird...& I don't really remember how or why that came about. At all. But it makes me giggle :)
PPPPPPS-I know no one by the name of "Patricia" or "Dylan".
PPPPPPPS-I don't have a single tattoo, FYI.

Penis Longoria, OUT!


OceanDreams said...

Wow, way to go with the tats! I have one tattoo, it is on my ankle and it is heart with wings. Sounds like you had lots of fun tat experiences! Have a great weekend. :)

FunkyJunkJewellery said...

This is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. Thanks for digging out your myspace inbox, you un-tattooed trickster!! x

Anonymous said...

...I don't even know where to start. but pretty much you have the best blog in the whole world. and the john hancock joke made me laugh pretty hard out loud. a noble feat!!! that shit never happens when I'm on the computer. oh except for when I read "the bloggess" you should read her blog I think its pretty hilar.

omg so funny though. your imagination is probably the hugest I've ever witnessed.
and that sounds kind of raunchy but its not.

The Cherry Blog said...

you crack me up. loved this post!


Lace said...

Tell me you're alive, woman! I've been looking for a witty update from you & now I'm a wee bit concerned! haha :) I'm sure you're fine & just really busy! Hope you're well! COME BACK!

The Daily Dose said...

I love funny people!

♥Aubrey said...

That was funny...especially when you get to the end with your PPPSSSSS part :)- Ya really find out who reads your posts right?

The Daily Dose said...

Yeah, I'll definately let you know if someone gives me some good advice. I hate working out. I think I'd rather starve (but that's not true either, b/c I love food enough to make a blog about it).

TeeTee said...

oooh! i loved this post!

Elle said...

ha ha!!! you got pretty creative there homestar! nice work!!

The Cherry Blog said...

Just wanted you to know I gave you an award! xx

Anonymous said...

where are you beezy?! I miss you so.